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January 04, 2007

Prop Bet

ShelterSo I am accepting the sex free challenge or partner free sex challenge... With some conditions of course.

Let me tell you about Michael since he is the bringer of this risnafulous challenge. Michael is a guy I went to the police academy with. We went out once to a bar in Glenwood springs called Doc Holidays. He's an attractive guy, I'm kinda cute, we just never went beyond a friendly game of pool. He was kind of my protector.

There was this strange guy in the class who followed me around. I'm nice to everyone. I might have been a little too nice with this guy. Without being invited, he followed me home. The place I was living was in the boonies. So when I saw his car behind me, I pulled over just short of the drive to my house, got out, and he stopped behind me. I walked up to his window and said very nonchalantly, "Did I leave something in class?", knowing that I didn't. His response was something like, "I just wanted to talk and not scare you". At that point I informed him that he was "scaring me" and I'd appreciate him turning it around. After that Michael had a conversation with him and he stopped.

So anyway, Michael found me by way of this blog about 6 or so weeks ago and he's gotten some of the inside skinny on the vagueness that's been commonplace here. Michael was lamenting about not having sex for many months and I rubbed it in a little. I would say for the past 8 years, I have not gone without for more then a month, maybe only twice. Michael lives in a community where the ratio is like 6:1, so the joke is that guys don't lose their girlfriends so much as they lose their turn. I lived in the same type of community for 10 years, which explains why I didn't go without.

This is how he came up with what has now turned into a complicated little prop bet.

I would not agree to a year. As luck would have it, my birthday is on July 2nd. Just a smidge over 6 months. So am getting credit for the last two days and the bet ends on my Birthday. So I can have a "Happy Birthday" if it works out that way. Also I clarified that self pleasure IS acceptable. I was not willing to give up the one relationship that has never failed me. However assisted pleasuring is NOT allowed. I have a couple of other outs too.

Here are the details.

No sex acts with any partners from now thru July 2, 2007 12:01 AM.

Sex acts include any touching of the genitalia. 1st & 2nd bases are fine.. 3rd base & home runs are not.

My outs...

#1 Self lovin is OK. (mentioned earlier)

#2 I call this my prince charming fairy tale out. If my guy shows up at my door with white roses in one hand, a bottle of bourbon in the other, and says the three words that will get him out of trouble with me.. (and they are not "I love you") then I am free to have sex with him. I have already declared this person to Michael. He has the name in a sealed envelope and has placed it in a wall safe guarded by two K-9 bite dogs (or so he says). *This out costs me. I don't have to pay out, but neither does Michael and I'm getting 3 to 1 odds.

#3 Apocalypse. If it's the end of the world as we know it, I get to feel fine. Let's say China nukes us. Then all bets are off. Not that it would matter at that point anyway.

So now that's it. I'm certain to get lots of blogging mileage out of this. If I win, it will be enough to take an nice trip. Hopefully not alone. How ironic and sad would that be.

Now where do I find one of those countdown timers?

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Wow - that's um... Wow! It's an interesting experiment - one I don't think I would have the commitment to do!

Are you sure you don't want to just take up rock climbing, death sports or ultimate cage fighting?


I'm, uh, speechless.

Well this should prove interesting.

My three guesses at the three words prince charming needs to say are: 1. I was wrong, or 2. Please forgive me, or 3. I need you.

Oh and don't give yourself a repetitive motion injury :) Good luck. And the countdown timer for your blog is a great idea.


What would the Crypt Hunter do? Maybe a piece on Crypt Hunter love? You know the "pitfalls" (har har) of loving a Crypt Hunter.

If you're reading this and wondering WTF is the Crypt Hunter check out his blog..


Speechless would be a more difficult bet. ;)


No, no, and no. Those aren't the words. They are special words that only work on me. Actually none of the words include Me, I, You, Us, or We.

OK, I took a shot and was wrong (three time over). How about "Range Rover Supercharged"?


Good luck, I think? I'm not really sure if I should be wishing someone luck at winning an abstinence bet. Better than a bet to rack up the most sexual partners in six months, I suppose. So yeah, good luck.

LOL! Wait until the dreams kick in after that first month...

Is there a "non-agitation" clause in your bet? Such as Michael not being able to engage in any subterfuge such as sending you materials that may ahem, fan the fire, so to say?

Ya know, it sounds like the 40 year old virgin film with the whole "no sex for 20 dates" thing except it being six months.

Either way, good luck and I do believe your blog may get even more interesting over the next six months...

Good luck.

You're gonna need it to make it.


Sorry, no. :(


How hard can it be? You don't think it will be hard do you? To do it I mean. Or not do it?


That wouldn't be very nice. I'm sure it's not in the spirit of the bet to do such things.

That would be make your name W. Wrong Wrongenstein; A person who would do that.

But I might have some thoughts on my own loopholes... so works both ways.


Rocky Jay...

I will need it.


With self service allowed it doesn't sound so hard.
Not that I want to join the bet. I'd like to be on your birthday though ;oD

Does a plane crash count as apocalypse? I think so.

"Come here often?"
"Traveler says Hi?"
"Are you horny?"

Any combination of those three? I MUST CRACK THE CODE!

Good luck with the challenge!

Voyeur's Loophole #1: There is always the "self stimulation" with somone else present but not manually involved...

Difficult, but not impossible. But what will this ultimately prove Kelly? I still don't understand.

I mean.....Jesus Christ Kelly...........jeez...............jeeeeez.....

So what's over under (so to speak) on how long you'll last? Would it bother you if your blog fans make side bets? :)

Mr. Wolfenstein,

I'm not sure where I'll be on my birthday... I'm sure I'll write about it in advance.


Maybe for the people on the plane. Are you thinking like the captain saying.... Ladies and gentelmen the palne is going to crash in 5 minuets... so have at it?



No... Keep trying if you must.

M. (W.W.W.),

Yes and there is another one. Not that I thought of it that much.


What are ya so mad about you're not the one doing it. ;)


Feel free to get whatever side action you like. If I we you I might put my money on me making it.

I'm pretty disgusted just now.
Something just got back to me.

Note to Idiot... if you trash talk about Guy A to Girl B, don't trash talk later to Guy A about Girl B. Especially when there is an obvious connection between Girl B and Guy A. How stupid can you be.


Yes it is true Crypt Hunter lovin' can be a tricky thing. Many broken hearts out there. I think it's the bull whip. I'll see what I can rustle up for you.

Good luck. As long as you have the self pleasure option this seems like a pretty easy bet to win, barring the three magic words or someone totally new walking into your life very soon. It's a pity though. ;-)

Oh, no anger Kelly just......concern and shock.

I'm shocked.

What a crazy bet! But I think you should have a side bet if anyone can figure out the three words!

I'm guessing, "Viagara Kicked In."

Am I right?

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