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August 31, 2006


Ok so I get back and Billy Boy has drunk all my beer, is seeing cows, and has redecorated my bedroom. Bobby and Thaed are duking it out down below. Ricardo, Elizabeth, Chas, Mr. Fab, Flat Greg, and Kit are watching Hungarian television.

DestroyedOne question... Who is going to clean up this mess?

You are all grounded!

Who did their business on the carpet?

B-I-L-L-Y B-O-Y!!!!!

August 30, 2006

A Stupid Cow Has to Be Better Then This!


Oh boy, looks like I decided to crash at Kelly's place at the wrong time. Didn't realize that Porn Wars was going on here. I thought I heard something about Star Wars and felt it would be cool to crash and watch the movie. Oh well.

Looks like I'm outta here. But I'm perplexed over something I happened to see here...

Thenewplummy33342q_2_2As I was packing up my bones, I happened to notice that the door to Kelly's bedroom was opened so of course, I had to peek in.

Whoa, as you can see from this photo I took, she sure has a lotta porn mags saved. They are even all organized and on shelves according to....oops, never mind, better not go there.

Well, I guess it's back to The Chronicles for me. Does anyone know if cows snore?

I'm Back....

What is going on here?

I Have A Point To Make

Virtuallove I'm sure everyone reading this has been wondering the same thing as I have.  For crying out loud, when is Kelly getting back?  I need my daily Kelly fix!

Turns out she's serving a short prison sentence for internet indecency.  Did you read that filth she wrote about porn?  Yeah, I did too.  Actually I printed it out, blew it up, and hung it from the ceiling just to the left of the mirror and disco ball.  I had to take down my ode to the Olsen Twins to make the space, but they've lost their luster anyways.

I'm going to use Kelly to make a point because I saw that I got lumped into the conversation some, due to a few commentors who seem to think that all I do is think about porn.  The thing is, that isn't really true.  Sure, I like my porn.  It gets me through lonely nights, comforts me after a loud thunderstorm, and makes my heart race when someone sends me some unexpectedly.  But I like other things as well.  I'm no monster.

Things I Like Besides Porn:

1. Picking on midgets
2. Kicking babies
3. Picketing funerals
4. Tripping old people
5. Stealing oxygen tanks

Are you appalled?   Has your email to Kelly warning her about me been started yet?   Would you have found it even worse if I had sprinkled swear words in there as well? 

Of course you are, have, would.

Right now there are at least two people beginning an email to Kelly about this post or about me.  A warning.  A concerned friend.  It's funny.


Because 99.9% of people reading Kelly‘s site don‘t know her any more than they think they know me.  Some of you out there think you know Kelly because of reading her posts and leaving her a comment, at which she is always quick to comment back.  You send her an email and she responds!  You go back through the archives and see a picture.  You leave a link to your page and she visits, leaving a comment on one of your posts.  Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. 

So explain to me how at this point you would actually have any clue about what Kelly is really like in real life?

Ok, she likes yoga and coffee.  So do millions of other people.

She mentions some things she has done in her past.  I liked skiing too, we must be soulmates! 

Look, there is a difference between knowing someone and reading whatever it is that someone decides to put out on a blog.  For instance, I’m flattered that people email Kelly about me, or leave comments in her posts that may or may not be subtle, underhanded jabs at who they think I am.  Seriously, it feeds that special spot in my brain that I have reserved for thoughts on how ridiculous the world is.  Which, coincidentally, is usually the angle I take in writing whatever it is I put out onto the internet.   

What makes more sense:   Admitting that pictures of naked women arouse me, or sending an email to a stranger with advice on how they should live their life?

Naked pictures of women do arouse me.  If sex doesn’t arouse you then I’d suggest that you are abnormal.  Now, giving someone unsolicited advice when you know next to nothing about them?  Well I think that’s odd.  And a little creepy.

Oh yeah, my point…

The internet has brought the people and places of this world closer to each and every one of us.  Information is literally at our fingertips.  You can read what a woman in Colorado chooses to write about, or what a man in Michigan chooses to vent about.  It doesn’t mean though, that you know the person any more than you did before you read their websites.  Which is to say, not at all.   

Just so you know…

I started a charity for a little girl.  I open doors for women.  I say please and thank you.  I’m the guy organizing friends to buy a kick-ass birthday gift for someone.  I buy my cousin groceries and gas because my uncle’s a dick and she needs the help.  I pay more in rent than my roommate does because I make a good deal more money and the place we really wanted would have been out of his price range otherwise.  I’ll tip waiters more money if I notice someone stiffed them from another table, or god forbid, a friend of mine does it. 

I also find laughter in things that many of you don’t.  It doesn’t make me any worse than you, just different.  I like porn because I’m a human being.  Sex is hard-wired into my brain and I don’t find it odd to say out loud or look at in print.  Maybe you do.  Congrats on that, you’re no better than me, just different. 

Kelly will probably be back later tonight, and I didn’t ask her, I just hijacked her site.  Also, she’s away on business, not in jail like I joked about above. 

Your thoughts?

August 29, 2006

Kelly, Are You Home?

Thenewplummy33342q_2Kelly, there's some stupid Cow staying at The Chronicles and I've been kicked out of my room.

S0 do you think it's possible I can stay at your place for a few days? I'm really quiet, house trained and I give great back massages.

What do you think? Can I? Can I? Can I? Pleeeease! Hey, did you say something about porn?

August 27, 2006

I know it when I see it.

Well I was going to blog about getting a pedicure and share some thoughts about my upcoming trip to Houston, however, Thaed left a comment in the post below and it inspired me.

I have great affection for Thaed so I hope no one misinterprets this as a flame war. Totally not.

The comment was jokingly about Bobby, porn in- porn out.. But I was grinning furiously because in truth, I have actually shared what technically would be considered pornographic images with Bobby, not the other way around. Then I started thinking, were the images that I shared actually pornographic? What standards do I apply?

When I say the word pornography, or more often porn, in conversations, typically I mean it in a derogatory sense. Actually I'm thinking dumb, big breasted, angry boob women, who will do anything for money.

However the actual definition, depending where you go, is something like... Materials or visual imagery of a sexual nature intended for the purpose of sexual gratification or arousal.

Some define pornography as obscene. Though I think that depends on the person.

The Supreme Courts Generally refers to Miller V. California used to determine "obscene" when evaluating pornography or sexually explicit materials. Referred to as the Miller Test.

The for dummies version interpreted by me is this.. Would an average person, with basic moral standards find the material offensive? (and) the material is not artistic, scientific, or of a literary substance.

Is that broad enough? Earlier opinions given by the court may give some indication.

Justice Byron White took the stance that no erections or no insertions meant not obscene. Which leads me to believe he had a subscription to Playboy. That and the fact that he was a CU grad and NFL player.

Justice William Brennen applied the "limp dick" test. I did not make that up. His assertion being that, even is cases of oral sex, as long as there was no erection there was no obscenity. Obviously before the days of Viagra when this would have been possible.

Justice Potter Stewart applied the Casablanca test or the "I know it when I see it" test. Being that he was a Navy man who served aboard an oil tanker during WWII, I'll take his word on it.

This also brings this question to my mind. Do we raise the bar too high when it comes to our expectations of our Supreme Court? Yes they are the highest court in the land... but what happens when the highest court in the land is so lofty that their definition of obscenity falls out of step with the common man?


I am happy thinking that at least half of these people have been sexually aroused by materials not deemed artistic or scientific in nature.

August 26, 2006

What We Think, We Become

TibetI'm not Buddhist by the way, but I have to admit Siddhartha Gautama was as profound as they come.

The philosophy that where the body goes the mind follows is something that I am reminding myself each morning. My mind is stuck, so I am trying to stay in motion to prevent rigor from setting in. I went to the yoga studio this morning and it felt good to stretch in the heated room, empty my mind, and let go.

Here are some other Buddhist sayings that make for good thoughts on a Saturday morning.

Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.

Nothing is permanent.

There is no fire like passion, there is no shark like hatred, there is no snare like folly, there is no torrent like greed.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.

When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.

Your body is precious. It is our vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.

Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.


August 24, 2006

Mystery Blog of the Day

I hate to double post, but I know in advance that I will be too busy to post tomorrow. I thought I should explain my new Mystery Blog of the Day.

Images_1In the past I participated in Blog Explosions, Rent My Blog. I liked the idea of sharing other blogs with readers of A Yoga Coffee Outlook. Scooter McGavin's 9th Green rented from me and got virtually no hits. I chalked it up to the fact that Scooter is quite recognizable and people just weren't interested in the program anymore.

So to replace Rent My Blog, I will just randomly feature a new blog each day. I don't have any plan for how I will pick, but I do promise to not send you to any dangerous, virus or pop-up ridden sites.

So have fun and enjoy the mystery.

Numerous Force 5 Martinis Later.

I published two, count um... two, podcasts this week. Also, please sign into the guestbook and feel free to link your blog if you have one.

So last night my friend Dianna had her friend Heidi in town from Chicago. Not sure why the responsibility fell to me to be the Lodo barhopping tour guide.... as I hold my hands together look to the sky and whistle innocently.

So we started out at Marlowe's for martini sipping. All were carded, I keep track as I get older. Heidi was the only girl who was single, available, and looking. So, Dianna and I were busy picking out men for her. Dianna is my married friend and she knows more about the art of picking up men then anyone I have ever met. She is the reason for my "business card rule". So after ogling men on Heidi's behalf, it was time to move along.

Next was the Appaloosa Grill. We were greeted at the door, carded (thank gawd) and told there was no cover but would we like to make a donation to the musician. Um, let me think about that.... NO. Ok me... big supporter of musicians and independent music. Them... Bar owned by the mayor of Denver that advertises "live music every night". What kind of third world, cheap slave labor is that? Don't get me wrong, in no way am I opposed to musicians passing the hat. But don't base your business on the fact that you have live music and hit people up at the door for donations before they even have a chance to listen to the band.

The band was The Gogo Lab. They were fine ambient music, but way too loud. I would not have even mentioned this for fear of sounding old. However, I spoke to a friend who lives in the area and he told me that the bar gets a lot of noise complaints. I have to assume that they draw people in off of the mall by keeping the volume high. Makes it uncomfortable. Fortunately, the band took a break not long after we arrived and my hearing was not being damaged the entire time I was there. Unfortunately, it made it possible for these guys to pull up a seat next to us.

Photo_082306_002These guys tried to run the bachelor party pick up scam on a Wednesday night. There are many different variations on the scam, but basically it enables a group of sloppy drunk guys to approach and talk to women by giving them the line, "me and my friends are here for a bachelor party but lost our friends, what are your names." Which beats the alternative, "we are drunk losers, trying to pick up chicks and need an excuse to explain our drunken, disorderly, and offensive appearance."

These two heartthrobs, introduced themselves as Minnesota and Mulberry Brownstone. WTF, say cheese, I'm blogging you, now go away. 

Last bar, Corridor 44. I love this place. It's the old Josephina's in Larimer Square. It's an odd shaped space which makes it fun. It's a champagne/cocktail bar with late night dining. There is a great space in the back of the bar. So great in fact I am searching my brain for a reason to host a private party there. 

I could mention what we did next, but honestly it's embarrassing and I regret the whole episode.

August 22, 2006

Time Saving Time Wasters Round 2

As promised, the result of me spending too much time on the internet.

Have fun and consider it all NSFW.

Super Bad Karma - This guy sold his crappy laptop on ebay and forgot to take his foot fetish photos off the hard drive. Only problem is that the buyer was unhappy, and this is the result.

Saya punya suntikan saya sendiri - I have my own syringe, and other unlikly phrases you might need while traveling.

Magic Eight Ball - My sources say no.

Play Dress Up - Punk Rock Girl, ET, Old Punk Rock Girl

Fold a Shirt

Photo Collection

Holy Shit Ninjas

Draw a Pig - Personality Test. I draw a long tail ;)

How to be British

Why Tweeze? Celebrate the unity of your eyebrows.

Why Not? Celebrate your pants on your head.

Be a Pimp - or at least dress like one.

Be a Pirate - or just fight ninjas like one.

Net Down - What happens when my network goes down.

Stormtroopers at Safeway

The Record Store Cats Record Store cats

August 20, 2006

Cowboys Are Sexy

I've never dated a cowboy. But I should at least consider it... you know in case the opportunity should arise.

I went to the Rodeo today. These are some clips.

I'm flying to Utah tomorrow morning, but should be back by tomorrow night if I don't miss my flight.

Sad and Shameful Self Promotion

Let's face it. I don't have a Jay Oh Bee. I basically finish everything I need to finish by 10 AM. So I have been spending WAY too much time online.

So the good news is that I won't asking for money because I actually have some work lined up beginning Monday.

The bad news is I've been spending a lot of time pimping my blog, finding new ways to entertain myself by finding ways to entertain my readers.

Img_1276_2First I'm on 25 Peeps. I'm a competitive girl, I would at least like to stay on there longer then a pair of boobies mans butt that looks like boobies. So please go there find my photo... it looks like the one here... When you see it... click on it. You should do this from your home, work and neighbors computer if possible. Told you it would be shameful.

Next, I have a podcast. It's called Based on Experience. I do the show with a great guy named Bobby. Bobby and I have never met in real life, we met through our blogs. Geoff and Devon of the On Hold podcast, made a very astute observation about us and the show. You can hear what they said about us here. I have to warn you that the On Hold boys have potty mouths, so it's for mature audiences only. I also cut out some tangent about the x-files.

If you have never listened to the podcast, give episode 7 a shot. We would love some feedback.

Ok self promotion over... Monday I'll reward you with another round of time saving time wasters and maybe some rodeo pictures.

August 18, 2006

Weekend Shopping Finds

I spent part of the afternoon shopping. I found my favorite Honey Dews at the Rack but the line was too long and I was on an important call so I decided to go back to get them tomorrow, and I will.

Here are some of my recent online finds.

Blue Cult - Kate at Zafu. Don't know what jeans are for you? Zafu has one of the best jean finders to help you.


J. Crew Cash Tee. I'm already thinking sweaters.


Sleeves Cami at Sleeves Clothing


Supernatural Lip Palette from Philosophy


Leg Warmers... seriously I think so.. at Foot Traffic


Heavily Distracted

Bath_champagneMaybe you've done something like this? I woke up this morning, did my yoga practice, hopped in the shower. I'm not sure what I was thinking, definitely off in lala land, but I pumped out a mountain of shaving cream onto my hand and slapped it down on my head.

No earthly idea what I was doing. I definitely had not been considering shaving my head. Just very distracted I guess.

August 17, 2006

Busted Avantgarde Style

Last night while removing my coffee carafe from the dishwasher, it just broke into pieces. There must have been a crack or something, because it just fell apart.

This carafe was actually a replacement to a Krups machine I've had for nearly 7 years.

Jura_capressoKitchen_aid_coffee_makerThis morning I just went out and bought a new coffee maker. I was SO tempted by the Jura-Capresso Auto Avantgarde S9 Espresso Coffee Center. Damn was it pretty. But at 2 G's I said no. But go ahead and add that to my Christmas list if ya wanna.

Instead this is what I bought The Kitchen Aid Programmable 10 cup. I wish that they would at least have called it the Kitchen Aid Avantgarde Programmable 10 cup.

August 16, 2006

Buy my cohost, Thanks, and Brooks Brothers.

First I want to mention that my co-host Bobby is auctioning himself off on eBay for Cancer research. The last time I checked he was at $220 and there is some furious bidding going on. Check it out; if for no other reason then to finally get a good look at his handsome face.

Second, I got a nice thank you from the other Bob, Bob Gentry. He won his first round at Star Tomorrow and is happy but thinking about the next round. So from me thank you to everyone how went to Vote for Bob.

Thank you Bobby, Ricardo, Geoff, Kit, Jose, Kris, Chris D., Omni, Joe M, Rob, Helen, Dianna, Robin, Christine, Chanda, Rebecca, Heather, Amy, Lisa, Rob L. Qwenn, Kerri, Omni, Jsorel, not7here12, lovetodie, thjijthi, Reuben, bassdude, deee, breakarobot, rosetigger, ultraspidey, geeberz, the kellogsrooster, salvationarmysol, jezrogers, dariov,nanniedoss, Sleepy Driver, Michael, Venus, Heather K, Kristina, Anthony, David, Adam, Elizabeth, Kimberly W, Brad Jr., Wendy, Sharon, Dave Sr., Daveie Jr. Big Dave, Aunt Judy, Aunt Judith, Dar, Joyce, Mike, Jonathan, Gilbert, Rebbecca, Kieth, Jodi and Grandma . And also my Starbucks Peeps.... (gasp) and anyone I forgot. No wonder Bob will be spending all of today thanking people.

Yesterday I picked up a couple of suits that I had altered. Taken in thankfully. Although I did have the pants let down a bit because I've traded in my comfortable shoes for saucy heels. At any rate, it would seem that I can pick up where I left off with my consulting work if I want to.

It was strange lining up my suits and dress shirts. Making sure I have an adequate supply of trouser socks, cinnamon Altoids, and eye drops. The last time I was in a courtroom was February this past year.

It was a sexual assault case that originally had been plead out, however thanks to an overly sympathetic judge, the defendant was allowed to revoke the plea because he claimed that he did not adequately understand the implications of being a registered sex offender for the rest of his life.

This case actually occurred the same night as the Kobe Bryant case and was in the same judicial district. When I was called out in the middle of the night, I ran into my friend who was a television news reporter for the mountain bureau in the parking lot of the condo complex where we both lived. Of course he asked and I told him I was  being called out for a sexual assault case. By the next day the whole Kobe case had blown up and my neighbor bugged me for three weeks, thinking I was called out that night to assist in Eagle.

At any rate it was probably some of my best work in terms of interrogation. I like to think it's the main reason that the case was plead even before making it to a preliminary hearing. Which is just so rare in any major criminal case. I like to compare the criminal court process to getting laid. Arrest is introduction, preliminary hearings are like a first kiss, motions are foreplay, voir dire is the selection of protection, trial is intercourse, and the verdict is orgasm. This case went from hello to orgasm.

Anyway, I'm not unhappy about going back to this type of work. I guess I'm just wanting to have a more normal routine with short escapes and not be in the air all of the time. I've really only contracted for two jobs so far and my calender is a mess. I've had to say no to some things that I really wanted to do. It's difficult to maintain relationships when you can't commit to anything. The only alternative being making dates and canceling them, which is so much worse.

August 15, 2006

Look at me... I'm David Lee.

David_lee_rothLast night it was my turn to host bunko. Usually everyone has a theme. My theme was ghetto. I've been busy all weekend and with everything going on I didn't have the brain power to pull off anything fantastic. So I bought some Hawaiian punch, coconut rum, and a little orange liquor, voila.. coconut rum punch. I wasn't very precise with the rum. I just kept pouring and tasting until my hiccups smelled like David Lee Roth at a bikini contest.

Bunko was fun and the rum punch was a big hit. I was in the roll-off but lost with a 2. I NEVER win playing Bunko. Despite Bobby's tips, I could not take my game to the next level. Mainly because it required profanity and I just could not bring myself to say terrible things about mothers.

Today I NEED to work on the Podcast. I actually have part 2 of the last show to get up and show 7 is also ready. We made some "program changes" and will be doing some things differently from now on. Hopefully better things.

Have yourself a superior day!

August 14, 2006

Don't Forget


Cmg_96_1So clearly, someone has got me thinking again and reflecting back. I know I've been here before so where better then my personal weblog to sift through the memories.

I was at a Denny's late one night or early one morning, whichever, with several friends. As we were leaving one of my friends backed her car over a motorcycle. Don't ask me. She wasn't drunk, just a really bad driver. The motorcycle was owned by a guy named Brandon who agreed not to do a police report and just exchange insurance information if I would agree to give him my phone number.

I seriously considered giving him a fake number, but didn't. I dated him for two years.

Brandon was a struggling musician at the time. And that is not his real name, because he's no longer struggling, he's actually quite successful. Most people reading this have probably heard a song or two by Brandon and his band. He's married now with a son. We still keep in touch, Christmas cards and birthday calls.

The way we met was really random. We went on only one date before he had to leave to tour with his band. What followed was nightly phone calls for about 3 months. My life seemed to stand still during that time. I was completely consumed, thinking about him, anxious to talk to him. It was mutual. It was a tough time for him. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he was having the time of his life touring, playing music was his dream and things were finally coming together for him. For him, I think I was the only one consistent thing is his life. For me, he was someone I could love without feeling overcrowded.

So after the tour we spent night and day together. It was an amazing time in my life I was incredibly happy. But after a hiatus, it was time for him to get back to work with his band. There was a lot of buzz, the band became incredibly successful in a short amount of time. Literally overnight. I won't rehash, but in truth the next year an a half was spent trying to get back to earlier times in our relationship. It was never possible and ultimately, inevitably, we ended it.

I think in many ways we are all trying to get back to happier times. Especially when things are not so happy.

Well what's this all about? Seriously and just as unexpectedly, I'm feeling that in my life again, except this time I'm older and wiser. There are distance issues and you know what they say about distance making the heart grow fonder. I think that's true. I'm just trying to find a way to allow myself the experience without making assumptions about how things will or could ultimately end up. Yes, I know the new person in my life is not the same and thankfully he's not a musician. But the feeling is so familiar. It's hard to ignore. How girlie of me. But this is my journal and I get hash out my thoughts here.

August 12, 2006

First Kiss

EgElitch Gardens was purchased by Six Flags and moved from the actual Gardens it was named after to another location in downtown Denver. Apparently they wanted to make it more accessible to Gangstas and Hoochie Mamas. At least that was my impression the last time I was there.

I won't pretend to know the historical significance of Elitch Gardens. I know the historical theater there was frequented by women carrying parasols and men with waxed handlebar mustaches (pronounced MOO-stashes). For me the historical significance had to do with it being the first place I ever kissed a boy. For the record, Justin Bradshaw was his name.

It happened while in the line for the Splinter log ride. We both had just put our gum on the "gum tree". Wait, I need to explain the gum tree. The gum tree was, well... a tree, that protruded onto the walkway just before entering the ride loading area. The trunk of the tree was covered with thousands of pieces of chewed and discarded gum. It was an unwritten law that you had to put your gum on the tree as you passed. It was disgusting believe me, but still historically significant.

So we put our gum on the tree and went into the building. It was night time and the interior of the building was made to look like a sawmill and there was soft lighting from the hanging lanterns. There was a railing all the way through the cue, the line was stopped and I was sort of leaned back against the rail. There was a lot of tension, because we knew that we would have to kiss at some point during the night. I seem to remember there were a couple times earlier in the day when one or both of us chickened out and sort of went in for a kiss and stopped.

Justin slid his hands onto my hips leaned in, smiled and kissed me. There was tongue, it was gross. :P.

That's all. The story sucked I know, but it wasn't a very good kiss.

August 11, 2006

Bob Gentry

I seriously have to admit that the first time I saw Bob's blog I developed a huge crushBob_gentry_italy_2006_1 on the guy. It took me 4 or 5 visits before I realized that he was a musician. I'm huge on smiles and he has a great one; I think it blinded me. But as it turns out he's not just eye candy. He's an accomplished musician and a generally great guy... Although he never stops by here to say hello... hmmm. No matter... I still think he's great!

So what is this all about you ask. Well seems Bob is getting some long overdue attention. FINALLY I say!

Bob Gentry is competing for a recording contract on the NBC web/TV show STAR TOMORROW. I seriously think the world of Bob and nothing would make me happier then to see him get that contract. He has struggled and given up quite a lot I imagine.

So please follow the link above to Star Tomorrow and Vote for Bob Gentry. He's one of us. He's been blogging for a long time. He didn't just decide to start blogging as a way to get votes for this competition. He's exercised great humility for a long time now by sharing very real and utterly honest details about his life. As if that wasn't enough, he responds to every comment and email he receives. How many of us can say that. If you're not familiar with Bob go visit his blog and wish him the best.

August 10, 2006

Some splain'n to do.

Silent_bobAlrighty which one of you guys got here by google searching  "Chutney Panties"? Come on... who was it? Ok then....

August 09, 2006

Things Could Be Worse.

IrisOkay, I think it's mostly out of my system. Because I'm such the go getter it should be no surprise that when I crack, it's not pretty. And it hasn't been. Fortunately for me, my friends made themselves known over the last couple of days. Dianna Has been bringing me food every night. Not so much to make sure I'm eating; more to have an excuse to check in on me.

The e-mails and messages have been overwhelming. People have been so very nice to me. The encouragement I've received really made the situation much easier to deal with. Really... Thank you everyone.

It's no mystery that I like hanging with my podcast co-host Bobby. Virtually speaking, since we've never met in real life. I don't want to ruin his reputation as a porn obsessed, insult slinging, rant monger... but I happen to think he's an especially great person. Allow me to gush about him.

Just last year Bobby met a woman named Natasha and her daughter Peyton. After knowing Natasha for a short time, she was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of small cell ovarian cancer and died just 3 months later. A totally devastating situation for everyone who knew Natasha and Peyton. Bobby and others have been raising money for Peyton and her family to help with the expenses. To date they have raised in the neighborhood of $30,000. Not exactly chump change, but there is more that can be done.

Please take a moment to visit For Peyton to read more about it. I can not even imagine how Natasha felt knowing she would be leaving her little girl behind. I doubt any amount of physical pain she experienced came close to the pain she felt leaving Peyton.

Sure, things have been kind of sucky for me. But really, It's time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself. I will figure out something else to do with my life. Things could be much worse. Thinking about Natasha, makes me feel like I'm an ungrateful brat who needs to wake up and stop whining already. 

August 08, 2006

Paper Tigers

Paper_tigersWhen I was in 7th grade I was in a program called Odyssey of the Mind. If you've ever seen the competitions where kids build bridges out of balsa wood and stack weight on top until it breaks, that is what I'm talking about. My team did a performance based on the William Blake poem The Tiger.

It's strange how that poem crosses my mind every now and again for no reason. I'm not even particularly fond of the poem.

The Tiger

by William Blake

Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder, and what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? and what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?

What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

August 06, 2006

This post has no title.

Sofi_houseboat_2Well the last 24 hours has not been a pleasure. I have to admit that I did not even get dressed today. I'm still wearing the same terry PJ bottoms and tank top I slept in last night. Other then that, I've just been lounging about reading P.G. Wodehouse and watching Houseboat over again and again. I now want to change my name to Cinzia or maybe Sofia, but I'll insist you call me Sophie.

I think tomorrow... I'll surf blogs all day and leave comments in French. Yeah, that's it! I am only speaking French tomorrow.

Au Revoir, Mes amis.

may omo dogface banana patch

The Earth Moved.

I thought this would be a post about going to see a roller derby bout last night with my friend Amy. I would probably have also mentioned something about my server being down AGAIN yesterday morning, me canceling my account and switching my entire website over to a new service. But I can't write about that now. Something happened when I got home last night. Something not good.

First I need to go back. In March 1996 I was riding the ski lift up Peak 8 in Breckenridge. I was heading up to pull the course gates we used for training that day. I saw one of my coaches below and he yelled up to me that it was all clear and he would see me later that night at the gym.

When I got up top, I was free to take whatever run I wanted. The snow was a little crunchy from melting a bit and freezing up again now that the sun was going down and the temperature was dropping. I'd always like the snow this way.

I thought I was wise in taking a rolling, cruising run. The light this time of day gets very flat. It gets a little eerie in the silence during this time of day. I was allowing my skis to rebound, standing up a bit as I came out of the turns. I was tired and didn't see a small bump. I didn't compress in time and launched while standing up straight. I landed strangely and turned around. Just like when your walking along and trip on a rock or hole on the sidewalk you sort of bobble and check to see if anyone saw. I made a couple of turns and caught and edge. I fell and it happened. This would be the third time I tore my ACL. I had just gotten my passport photo taken the day before. I was planning on going to New Zealand to train for the summer.

It's hard to explain how I felt. Besides the pain, numb I guess. I knew if I ever did this again, injured this knee, I would have to quit. In a moment all of my plans collapsed. Everything I identified with was fading. All of my friends would leave me behind and I would be spending the next 6 months gimping around. Up until last night this was the biggest disappointment in my life. Anyone who knows me will tell you it's true. This is my dropped the winning football right before the end zone story.

Some people have told me that they feel like I really expose myself in this blog because of some of the subjects I discuss. But it really isn't so. There is a blog I read where the author is a struggling musician. He posts about most of his auditions and then has to post again that he didn't get the job. That's exposing yourself.

Last night I got home and listened to my messages. My answering machine is in my kitchen. I check my e-mail all day long, but I rarely check my phone messages. Jim my accountant left two messages on Friday and then another that must have been just after I left earlier in the evening. Because I had not returned his call and he couldn't get me on my cell phone, he left me a two minute message.

It seems the SBA loan that I've been working to secure is not going to be approved. The risk is too great for me. Apparently, and you should all know this, the economy is going to get very bad and people won't be buying $200 hoodies. At least that is the general reasoning behind the decline. So I'm left with very few choices. I can put up or shut up.

I decided to shut up.

It's likely I will take some consulting jobs to get me out of my house. But I really have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm disappointed, sad, and numb. Everything just went inward. I think I'll spend the entire morning in shivasana. It's not the end of the world. No one is sick or dying. I just don't get things the way I want them.

I'll keep blogging, but I can't gaurentee care free days ahead.

Note To Amy.. I wish this wasn't true but it is. I would have rather blogged about "one who" and the very hairy transvestite. I would have titled it Call Me Spankalicious.

August 04, 2006

Yes This is a Panty Meme.

Last month I mentioned that I was invited to join a panty exchange, AKA a panty chain letter. Today I sent out my pair and my six letters. I received several e-mails from bloggers wishing to join, but only had six letters to distribute. So instead of an actual panty chain letter, I thought a panty meme might be realistic. So here it is....

Welcome to the panty meme.

Here's how it works.

1. Copy the entire text of this post (the part shown in italics) and post in your blog. Reminder:Do not copy photos.

2. Add your name and link to the Panty Meme Participants list below.

3. Post a picture of panties. It's fun if you post a picture of your own panties, but it does not have to be. And BTW you don't need to be wearing them, but it's your blog you can do what you like.

4. Tag two people and change out the names below.

That's it. Have fun.

Panty Meme Participants.


Tag you're it!

1. Maritza

2. Team Gingerbread

Here are my panties


August 03, 2006

Speed Dating, Braille T-shirts, Barefoot, Kilts

Went speed dating last night, had fun but only approved one guy. And here's the kicker, he did not approve me. On our "date" he was very nice and said, "you don't really need to be here do you?". He was the only one who didn't seem to be looking to expand his empire by knocking me up with his spawn. I'll not overthink it. But I suspect he wasn't very well endowed.

Here are some unusual fashions I found today.

Braille Tee Shirts

Brail_shirtWearing one's like wearing sexy underwear; no-one needs to know your secret, unless you want them to.The raised Braille lettering is printed using high density rubberized ink. It makes the letters stand out. Like rows of very small, cute, pliable nipples. When someone wants to know what it means, you can activate the "anti grope feature"; flip up the front of your shirt, and let them read the translation printed inside, along the hem. Or, just allow them keep groping you. Playing touchy-feely. Whatever seems good at the time; you've got the power; feel the love.


5fingers_1FiveFingers™ is the first and only footwear to offer the exhilarating freedom of going barefoot—with the protection and surefooted grip of a Vibram® sole.

And that makes it ideal for a wide range activities you'd probably rather do barefoot—boating, kayaking, canoeing, canyoneering, coastal approach, even after-sport recovery.

FiveFingers gives you a gecko-like grip on slippery surfaces. They protect your tender feet from scorching sand and sharp rocks. FiveFingers helps to promote a more natural walking motion. They gently separate each toe, while stimulating and exercising the muscles of the feet.


Kilt_1Just what it sounds like. Kilts for men. Do they have kilts for women? Or are they just called skirts? Anyway kinda cool.

That's all I've got! Have a great day!

August 01, 2006

Girls, Duck, And Red Velvet

Red_velvet_cakeEvery month my girlfriends and I get together for a little fun. Tonight was my turn to host. I am a decent cook even if I do say so myself. But because I just got back, I hired a caterer to handle the food. I however handled the wine. We always drink wine. Many of the girls in this group are also in my bunko group. Bunko night is reserved for crazy drinks... like the horrible vanilla martini's I mentioned a couple of months ago. But girls night is always wine.

There's something about getting drunk on wine that is different from other drunkenness. Maybe it's the slow and steady absorption or something about the tannins in the wine. But I think it has a different feel. I've only been sick from drinking wine twice.

The first time was when I was 20 drinking white zinfindel in the VIP room at the Roxbury. My friend Yvonne and I quit our jobs in Colorado and spent a couple of weeks raising hell in LA doing our best Thelma and Louise. I was pretty naive, hence the white zin. The only reason I mention that we were in the VIP room is because we could have ordered anything we wanted, any premium, any champagne, and what did we order? White zin. I was so terribly drunk. I remember standing at valet and I couldn't focus. As every car pulled up I remember saying in very slurred speech, drunkgirl speech actually, "izat arr caaa?, izat arrr caaa?, izat arrr caaa?" Don't worry I was not driving. I should also mention that my drunken clubhopping days ended when I turned 21 and was actually old enough to drink.

The other time was at my friend Lisa's 30th birthday party. There is a club here called Stallions. It's not a male stripper revue. It's actually an old Bahama Breeze that was turned into a supper club. It's a decent place, the only problem is that it doesn't know what it wants to be. It has a sports bar, dim lit fine dining restaurant, dance floor/stage area, and a fire pit lounge where we spent most of our time. My mistake, I think, was ordering wine by the glass because I ordered a pinot noir. I'm guessing that not many people order a pinot noir by the glass. It's a fairly sophisticated taste and I think maybe the bottle expired. Whatever the case I was sick all night long. Actually I had a spa day scheduled at the Tall Grass the following morning. After vomiting all night, err morning, I was totally dehydrated. Having a herbal detox wrap was the worst kind of hangover treatment.

Ahhhh good times... Maybe not.

Tonight was however good times. We ate duck quesadillas with a spicy chutney. A warm goat cheese dip with plantain chips, and spicy pork meatballs. The meatballs were awesome they were flavored with cinnamon. I will not say who, but I did see someone drop a meatball on the floor, pick it up and eat it. If this wasn't enough we finished it off with a little red velvet cake.

I'm stuffed. I think it's time I rolled off to bed.

Oh BTW, I changed the questions in my guestbook, just to have a little fun with it. Please stop in there and sign in. :)

Chic to Geek, How I handled Trojan Solo

If you’re an IT computer whiz, this probably won’t impress you too much. But, if you’re someone who really has no idea how to remove viruses, spywear or Trojan programs from your PC then please read this.


A year ago I really didn’t understand how my computer worked. I didn’t understand the terminology. If you asked me what operating system my computer used, I’d likely tell you it’s a Dell. Until I opened my online store I didn’t even understand the differences between browsers. Everything I’ve done on the computer has been out of necessity.


Even though my computers are fairly protected, I know they are not impenetrable. Especially when you directly invite something in. If you are a blogger and you use traffic exchange sites you’re risk increases. There are good exchanges like Blog Explosion, Blog Mad, and others that minimize the risk by watching content. I feel safe using these sites. But there are others that will accept just about any site without checking, throw it into their rotation, and send it and whatever nasty computer herpes it has to you.


While waiting for my connecting flight this weekend, I broke out my laptop and to kill time started surfing on a traffic exchange. I won’t say the name of the exchange, but it’s the type of exchange that primarily promotes traffic exchanges instead of blogs.

I use AVG as my main form of virus protection. While surfing I got an alert and selected heal. Item was healed and then a program opened up on taskbar (taskbar is the lower bar that shows your open programs in case you didn’t know.. It was not long ago I learned the name of this myself ;)).


It was called Brave Sentry. A bubble message opened telling me that my computer was at risk and click to scan now.. hehe.. I don’t have any program called Brave Sentry. My hands came off my laptop like it was on fire. A couple sitting near me saw me launch my hands like I was under arrest and said, “oh no did you forget to save?”. I told them, “no, much worse” though I did not know what.

A year ago, heck 6 months ago I would have clicked that bubble and scanned away, inviting the wolf in further. Today I shut my laptop down, wrote down “brave sentry” and after a few moments I started breathing again.


The next morning after checking into my hotel, I went to the business center and googled “Brave Sentry”. Brave Sentry is malware. It’s computer herpes. Brave Sentry and other programs like it are Trojans that take over portions of your operating systems and basically hijack it. The purpose is to get you to purchase their anti-spyware program to remove the trojan that they just installed.


Here let me throw red wine and your shirt. That’s a terrible stain, I can get it out for $50.


So I’m on vacation and I’m thinking I am going to have to wait till I get home to take care of this. I go back to my room, snooze for a bit and wake up to rain. I explore the resort, up until now I had only been to the business center. I get myself some food and coffee and head back to my room. It’s really bothering me that my computer is infected. It was nearly 7PM so I contacted the on duty manager and told him about my situation. I asked him to put me in touch with the night auditor. Living in a resort area for 10 years I had worked in several hotels. The night auditor is usually a fairly computer savvy person who does all of the financial backups and bookkeeping. Around 10:30 the night auditor calls me and I arrange to meet him in his office at 12:30 AM. So at 12:30 I meet Andrew and he basically lets me take over his office. Thanks Andrew!


I find this link on how to remove Malware. A year ago this would have looked like Chinese to me. But after reading it, I thought it would be possible for me to take care of the problem on my own. I downloaded the recommended programs onto a disk and printed out the instructions from the page. I also printed out instructions of how to open my computer in safe mode which is something I had never done before.


I head back to my room, have a beer, and go to bed. I wake up again to rain. Get some breakfast, pull out my laptop and to begin.

This is the process I used.

I followed the directions slowly and after 4 hours managed to rid my computer of Brave Sentry. I know this story is very long. My point is important. I never thought I would be able to take care of my own computer problems. In some ways I lucked out that this happened while I was on a getaway trip. I didn’t have any specific plans while I was there and never felt rushed so I was able to handle the problem slowly.


Yes it sucks that it rained during my trip and I spent much of my time killing a Trojan on my computer, but I seriously feel like a badass for fixing this myself.


So now I'm back. This whole situation really gave me a much needed confidence boost. So YAY me.