A Yoga Coffee Outlook

Lies about Yoga

I've been asked to do a guest-post on this blog, and found it somewhat difficult to find something to write about. Four nights a week I drain my brain on the GeekNights podcast, and any other time I've got something it goes to my blog. That doesn't leave me with a lot of new, interesting ideas I haven't yet expressed.

It wasn't until I looked at the name of the blog that I found inspiration. I don't do yoga, I don't drink coffee and I don't use Outlook. Perfect! I'll just pick one of the three and write the contrary opinion. As it turns out, my opinions of Outlook and coffee are uninteresting and simple, so I'll just write about yoga. I do want to make one disclaimer. I was asked to do this post on short notice, so I wasn't able to do complete research or make any citations. You'll just have to trust that I know what I'm talking about. Also, if you challenge me in the comments I will come down on you with more scientific research than you knew existed.

As I said, I don't do yoga or any other exercise. And that is exactly the point I want to make to people. Yoga is exercise, nothing more, nothing less. There are lots of yoga people out there who make or believe false claims about yoga, and I am here to expose the truth.

First off, some people claim that yoga is medicinal in nature. I've seen people say that yoga detoxifies the body or boosts the immune system. In some cases people even claim it cures disease. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to suggest any of these things are true. If you believe that yoga can do any of these things, you are deluding yourself. Stop it.

Also, on many yoga websites people will say something along the lines of "yoga cleanses the mind, body and spirit." If you believe that, then your name is W. Wrongy Wrongenstein. Yoga doesn't cleanse anything. Sinks, showers, bathtubs, washing machines, these are all things that cleanse. Stretching out your muscles definitely doesn't cleanse anything. In fact, perspiration as a result of yoga does the opposite of what most would call cleansing.

In the same vein, even if yoga somehow cleansed, it surely can not cleanse the spirit or the mind. The spirit part is obvious, there is no such thing as a spirit. If it's not a real thing, then any claims about it are false by default. You might as well say that yoga makes faeries, dragons and leprechauns come out of hiding. As for the mind, it can't be dirty, so how can it be cleansed? I mean sure, you might have a dirty mind thinking about porn, but yoga can't solve that problem anymore than it could get rid of a piece of dirt that fell in your ear up to your brain.

With more research I could have provided more specific examples of yoga flim-flammery, but I'll leave you to find those on your own. Just about every yoga website has some sort of falsehood on it. All I can suggest is that you read James Randi's weekly commentary for the latest news on all sorts of snake oil, not just stuff pertaining to yoga.

Now, don't let this news get you yoga practitioners down. Yoga still has lots of benefits. It's good exercise, it increases flexibility, it feels good, it's fun to do, etc. Just be wary of anyone who makes extraordinary claims without extraordinary evidence. If you disagree, then I've got this rock I want to sell you. It's a magic rock, you rub it on your head and it replenishes the spirit. Only $29.95, call today.

Regarding Yoga, Coffee, and Outlook

Ah, yes ... Kelly is away. And with her well-deserved long weekend comes my chance to ruin someone else's weblog.

First, a word of introduction. I'm Kit, and I write a little journal called PaperFrog. Y'all come visit. I live in Pensacola, Florida. Maybe you've seen our city on TV. There's always some guy from the Weather Channel standing on our beach in a blue windbreaker telling everyone how badly we're about to get out butts kicked by some nasty storm coming out of the Gulf. The price of paradise, I suppose.

Here's a photo of me I dug out of my archives. As you can see, I am very attentive about my lawn. It's a lot of work, but people seem to notice. And pushing the mower around really tones those shoulders.

Before Kelly blew town, she fired-off a twenty page style guide on writing for YCO. It's all very confusing -- topics to avoid, sure-fire comment starters -- that sort of thing. I've thrown it away, of course. But I've decided to stick to the basics over the next three days: yoga, coffee, and outlook. Let's get started.

Yoga

Well, as it turns out, I'm really the wrong guy to ask about yoga (although I am the originator of the famous "stricken dog" pose). So ...

Yoga Yogis

Now here's something we all know about. Everybody loves yogis: always full of wit and wisdom; ever-ready with a pithy phrase. And when it comes to yogis, two immediately levitate to the top of the enlightenment pile. I'm talking about Yogis Berra and Bear.

If you're like me, you probably can't decide which of these two titans qualifies as the greatest yogi of them all. I thought I'd present both for your consideration, and perhaps -- together -- we can work it out.

YOGI BERRA

PaperFrog is a Buddhist weblog, and we sometimes discuss the ancient Zen tradition of koans. These are riddles which are designed to break through one's normal modes of thinking and point the way to truth. And when it comes to koans, Yogi Berra was an undisputed master:

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Whoa. It would be difficult to better encapsulate the ultimate deception of all things which have form. I need to go back to my sitting cushion.

Half this game is ninety percent mental.

It doesn't add up, does it? That's how koans blow your mind wide open.

YOGI BEAR

I'm not sure exactly what Yogi is doing with that divining rod. Probably pointing the way to Ultimate Truth.

Yogi Bear expressed his wisdom in a very different manner than his ball-playing yogic brother. Where Berra was cryptic, Bear was clear. Where Berra was ethereal, Bear was earthy. Take this example:

You know, there's nothing better than digging into a giant pic-i-nic basket!

As the Buddha taught, when you sit, just sit. When you walk, just walk. And when you eat, just eat. Yogi Bear wasn't a common glutton -- he was a revelation. Just eat. Just enjoy. That's life.

The next example is a dharma talk between Yogi and his young disciple, Boo-Boo.

Boo-Boo: Yogi, I'm afraid Mr. Ranger is going to be real mad.
Yogi: You worry too much, Boo-Boo!

Right you are, Yogi. Reality is in the present moment. Worry is the natural consequence of trying to live in the future -- a futile effort which can only lead to suffering. This is the cause of Boo-Boo's pain. And ours, too.

I put it to you: who is the greatest yogi? Yogi Berra? Or is it Yogi Bear? Please comment or Kelly will be cross when she gets back.

Tomorrow, it's coffee.