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December 31, 2006

There is a reason it's called amateur night.

0001 0010 042020nick20and20chris20at20marias20new2 20 010320002 010320042 0106nye02 0106nye03 3878723_img 2002_new_year_s_eve_party__1 53103113_88a9d073bc 55101416_209d6e6443 74434172_a35f2cc34e 80552081_b9a9a637a3 81434873_d0da43ef96 83348064_dcdedd7fde 89019920_f969330292 93139394_d0aeffe44e 98758683_889c8a0f70_m 101773621_17a18015c3 187671502_c59dd08fdf_m 202461096_7fc84818d3 297894550_0c6890526d 338113736_ab52d89f80 338213904_170fbf7f5c Balloons2_small Ben20bane20milacci Dom12 Drink2 Gym_bday_new_years_guys_018 New20year207 Newyear_band Noisemaker Party2 Party3 Party_01 Smokin 0003

Happy New Year!

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December 30, 2006

Waxing Sticks

Long night. Cookie is sick. I think it's her new food. She woke me up 4 times last night to either be let out or to fill her water dish. I swear she speaks to me telepathically. She just sits next to the bed and stares at me and I wake up.

I spent the better part of yesterday contemplating the blog. I have the urge to go a little more minimal. I dropped several of my affiliates. I kept Beauty.com because quite a few of you are using it. I use it myself. Of course I consider myself lucky to be part of the Glam network, those girls are doing a fantastic job. I was surprised that a lot of people use Rojo. I did not even know that Rojo existed or what it was.

I will be babysitting on NYE. Monday I'm going up to the condo and I'll finally get some skiing in. I waxed my skis this morning. Pella, a friend from Spain sent me a block of molybdenum wax. There's an underground network of old school racers that have hoarded older hard to find fluorocarbonated waxes. I may or may not have some stashed. But this is supposed to be better then some of the graphites I used back in the day.

So I put on a layer of a fluoro on and topped it off with the new stuff. I should get thoroughly outrun by my skis and cause serious bodily injury. There is no reason in the world for me to be using this type of product anymore. It's like giving a bazooka to a four year old. It just felt good to be doing something familiar again. There is something very therapeutic about scraping wax. Except the part about inhaling wax fumes. I know I've lost about 100% of you at this point. You'll all just have to trust me.   

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December 29, 2006

Totally Living In Denial

I got up this morning determined to ignore the white stuff as much as possible. I cranked the heat up, turned on the Global Lounge channel (cranked that up too), and put on shorts and a tank top. I left the blinds open so all my neighbors outside shoveling their driveways could see me dancing around like Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angles.

I'm word slinging today. On my little sabbatical a few weeks back I managed to write four pieces. Two of which were substantial submissions to magazines that you might have heard of. I am still looking for a literary agent and have some follow-up to do on that.

I have a little roof leak issue to deal with. About a year after moving into the house (within the warranty period) there was a major hail storm. Some of the roofs in my neighborhood were damaged. When my insurance company came out to inspect my roof, they noticed that a piece of flashing had not been installed on a corner piece. I called the builder and they sent a contractor out to fix the problem. That was two years ago.

When I got back on Wednesday, I found a puddle in my kitchen. At first I thought "dogs" but they were at the kennel. I looked up and the water was coming out of a recessed light fixture... that I had already turned on. There was also some bubbling on the wall. Very not good.

Not so coincidentally this was exactly below the place were the flashing had been left off. I think the repair job was inadequate. I will have to wait and see. I'm guessing the reason the leak had not appeared up until this point has to do with the amount of snow compared to previous years.

I sometimes seriously consider moving into a loft downtown. But I like free parking and the absence of hypodermic needles.

Sc0004_1I took this my last day in Malibu. I think I left a little of myself back there. We talked last night.

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December 28, 2006

Again with the snow...

It might be the biggest marketing conspiracy ever but contrary to what you see on Monday night football, it is not always snowing in Denver. I play golf almost every Thanksgiving. The weather is seasonal but it's nothing like living in the ski areas. When it snows more then 4-6 inches here it induces chaos.

So another blizzard is about to hit. I'm glad I got a short reprieve, but looks like I will be house bound for another 4 or 5 days. I went out this morning to buy dog food and people food. The store was packed and the shelves were bare. Its a good thing that I only eat weird shit, because that's all that was left. No frosted flakes... but there was Kashi. No white bread.... but there was russian rye.

I got some sort of video game player for Christmas so I might see what thats about. I haven't played video games since Atari. I'll probably tinker with the blog and not do much of anything else. I do need to chill.

Oh and if anyone cares... I have it on better than good authority that the DNC IS coming to Denver. The person who told me this is not someone who likes to look like a fool and I doubt he would have told me if there was any chance he would come off looking like a schmuck. Then again, I really could care less so I'm not going to do any additional checking into it.

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December 27, 2006

I guess I prefer a dark horse to the favorite...

I have learned from keeping this public journal that often it's more difficult to not write something because it always seeps out somewhere else. I'll just get it out and move on. I've closed comments.

On Saturday I wore a grin from ear to ear. My gums were dry from the exposure. Even before pulling up to the curb I could see he was wearing a Santa hat. He called me Mrs. Claus and had a candy cane for me. That's not crafty sexual innuendo... he had a candy cane. We went directly to the Coffee Bean for my favorite chai latte anywhere on the planet. He looked really good to me. I felt rescued and there was no snow anywhere.

Santa's on an in-line hockey team so we hurried off to make his game. I sat with the other players wives and we watched the men play. This is the first time it happened. A thought in my head. I'll explain later, but this was the first time. So I sat there admiring the way men interact with each other. It's all very provocative to me.

Driving to his house, this was the first time I had been there. We always met in places where neither of us lived. Mainly because of our professions, but on some level we both liked keeping our relationship separate from our daily life. When we'd rendezvous like this it felt like steeling time together.

He had a tree and I was impressed. I can't say enough about how welcome I felt. Not just by all of the preparations but, he embraced me in every way. We talked, laughed, drank a little too much and stayed up late. It was hard to sleep. I got up and went to brush my teeth. His bedroom is sort of sunken and I severely stubbed my toe on a tiled step. I was bleeding and he got me all bandaged up. It was nice to be taken care of. It felt safe.

I finally got to brushing my teeth and it happened again. What happened before... the thought. That's twice, but this time it came with a physical feeling in my gut. Ever make a wrong call on something and get that instant bad feeling. I thought about it for awhile.

In the morning we got up slowly and lingered. I checked my email while he made some calls. Lots of ecards from the readers here. Well wishes. Again, the thought happened again. I watched from the window as he sat on the steps outside reading the Wall Street Journal. I thought hard about how easy it would be to love him.

We drove down to La Jolla to meet his parents and family for Christmas Eve. They live on a boat and had it decorated with lights and garland. His Mom made this amazing oyster stew. His dad enjoyed the fact that I was drinking whiskey with him. My new drink of choice these days. We took a stroll down to the shoreline. It was surprisingly cold. From this point on everything felt to me like some sort of betrayal. (I know I'm being vague still)

I fell asleep on the ride home. He calls me baby. "Baby, we're home."

At this point it was hard for me to stop thinking about that thing, that thought. I went straight to sleep. All reason dictates that I am a complete fool. I know that. I woke up a few hours later and attempted to convince myself that I was being unrealistic in my thinking and beat myself up mentally by rehashing things in my head.

He realized something was wrong and I deflected his concerns well into the morning. Which I half heartedly regret.

But.....

In the morning we exchanged gifts. In the afternoon we went to Christmas brunch. At night we talked and I ended it.

Because I still care about someone else.

December 26, 2006

Boxing Day Test

The day after Christmas is Boxing Day. Maybe you've heard of it. Traditionally, I think, it's the day that you would gather up all your servants, groundskeepers, stable lads, ladies in waiting, cooks, maids, and all to give them their annual stipend.

I don't happen to have any servants and even if I did I won't be home this Boxing Day. You know at my estate. But I promise if someone happens to kiss my ass today, I'll throw a quarter at them.

Anyhow, today also happens to be the beginning of the Melbourne Boxing Day Test. I'll throw a quarter at anyone who knows what this is. ;) I know some of you are from down undah.

Cheers!

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December 25, 2006

Tie me up.

Because of the holidays I thought I'd squeak this post in while nobody was looking. It's not on par with my normal bunkum. Apologies.

TieMy undergrad is in Art History. Go ahead... I acknowledge that I was not motivated enough in college to seek anything challenging. I was too busy throwing my body down a mountain so that years later I could look forward to one orthopedic surgery after another.

I will tell you this. I am quite deft when it comes to appreciation. Art, music, and people. I'm like the princess and the pea; super sensitive that way. It's also the reason I think I'm quite good at shopping.

Ever shop for a tie? I drive myself crazy trying to find the perfect tie for a guy I like. Even more difficult in cases where it's someone I love. Even after the relationship has ended I'm often still searching for the tie.

When I look at ties arranged like lox on a tray it seems impossible to be certain about the shade; the right symmetry and sheen. You can look at thousands of ties and never find one you're sure about. I feel like one day I'll find the right tie for the right guy and it will be a good match for both him and me.

How silly is that?

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What did you get?

Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it.
Langston Hughes

I hope everyone was good and got exactly what they wanted for Christmas. But if you didn't... Remember there's always next year.

Christmas_past

Troubled Mind

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December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas

SNL Adam Sandler Santa Song Enjoy

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December 23, 2006

Crossed Fingers.

Fingers_crossedWell my bag is packed and so far it looks like my flight has not been canceled. I don't feel like I'm out of the woods yet. I know things can still happen. But assuming that they don't, I've scheduled some posts instead of having a guest blogger.

I'll be back Wednesday night. I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday. Merry Christmas!

December 21, 2006

Wow.

He did it. I can't believe it but he made it happen. I have a flight Saturday night.

This followed a very long conversation we had last night. I basically opened up to him and told him about the disappointments I've faced this year. The not so fun stuff we never talked about before.

We talked about other things. He wanted to know where my heart was. I let him know that the door was open. I think the exact words used were, "baby, you and I need to come to an understanding". He said it in a very Nick Cage sort of way.

My head is spinning a little. He promised, "I'm going to turn your entire year around in just three days."

December 20, 2006

No Santa For Christmas

Blizzard_dogs

I just talked to Santa. Santa is sad. I am sad. My dogs are happy. They like playing in 4 foot drifts of snow.

My flight is canceled. Denver International Airport is closed until tomorrow evening at the earliest. The odds of me growing wings and flying there myself are slightly better then me getting a flight on Friday. Saturday and Sunday not looking good either. My only chance is to catch ANY flight to ANYWHERE else and then luck out on standby to my original destination. Not to mention the serious cashola involved with creative flight plans. 

I am not driving. I just did that last week. I am not doing that again. I guess I could drive to another airport. Salt Lake?

Gifts

I got an email from a friend today. He received a gift from a woman he likes. The contents, in my mind, were perfect and said so much about how she feels for him. She gave him music that she likes, a book by an author they both like, and a photo of a place he had mentioned was important to him.

In her gift she managed to give something of herself, something they can enjoy and share together, and something unique that was just for him and that he would appreciate. I'm very envious, but also happy for my friend.

I try to give very nice gifts.  I find myself always thinking... "what could I get so-and-so that they would really like". Because my thinking is that I like them and I want to give them something that will bring them happiness. Something really special. But I've been giving very little of myself. This has been true for a long time.

There's a blizzard outside right now. I'm a little nervous about my travel plans. I'm spending Christmas with someone I have a relationship of convenience with. I've been thinking about it a lot. The gift is wrapped. But there's not a lot of me in it.

Ariadne

The Good Shepherd

Damon_lowman Last night I was fortunate enough to see an advance screening of The Good Shepard with three of my girlfriends. So I'll do a quick little review, with no real spoilers.

This movie stars Matt Damon and Angelina Jolie and is Directed by Robert De Niro. The story of the founding of the CIA. It's a drama/suspense flick. It's serious stuff, except for Matt Damon in drag and nude wrestling.

I liked the movie. My only real problem was Damon. His performance does not ruin the film but I just don't feel like he was the best pick for it. A Christian Bale or Barry Pepper would have been better. Damon looks like a Willy Lowman to me. I get that the character is stoic, but it comes off overplayed. Don't ask me how you overplay stoic.

Whoever did the make-up in this film will likely get an Oscar nomination. The aging of the characters was subtle and believable, save for Willy/Damon. I felt like it moved a little slow but there are many characters and I can understand the need for most of the content.

If you don't like movies that bounce around a time line, you may consider waiting for DVD so you can go back when you get confused. I got a little off track once, but recovered after a couple of scenes.

Turturro_johnMy favorite performance was by John Turturro. I always love a good heavy. I also liked him in The Big Libowski. There are also some really great lines in the film and an attention getting scene with Joe Pesci.

A date movie it is not. But if you're an adult who enjoys reading the occasional novel, you should appreciate this film.

BTW I was able to figure out "who" it was about half way through the film. It's not too hard if you are like me and can't stand being surprised.   

December 19, 2006

I'm a Cancer so maybe that explains it.

Cancer_crabI believe that everybody has an intuitive sense, to various degrees anyhow.

Last week I was out with a friend. I was blabbering away and I saw him look up and over to the side. It was like he heard an alarm and was responding to it. I was oblivious. I looked in the direction of his gaze and asked him what he was looking at. He was watching a couple exchanging some heated words. They weren't particularly loud or obvious for that matter. I don't know if he even realizes it but I think he's someone who is extra sensitive to discord. I'm not a shrink, I'd be a terrible one, but maybe he witnessed a lot of discord as a child. For whatever reason, it was more then being observant. Something inside him was triggered.

I, on the other hand, am immune to being startled. You know in school how kids try to make each other flinch. I almost never did. Much of the time, I get lost in my own thoughts. A foggy place and it takes a moment to snap me out of it. That is my biggest yoga deficiency... unable to be present. My thoughts are almost always somewhere outside of my body. You can call it daydreaming I guess.

Sometimes when I slip away like this I feel things. I have a general sense when others are thinking of me. It's like sheets hanging on a clothes line to me. I'll explain.

When I was young I would lay under the clothes line watching the layers of sheets flutter above me in the wind. That's how it feels. Like staring up at sheets fluttering and snapping. Everything moving except for me. Did anyone else do that?

I had a dream last night that when I came out of surgery I couldn't communicate. That's my biggest fear about the whole thing. When I was an EMT I managed a patient who had a stroke. He had this look of fear in his eyes that I think about still and carry with me. He was afraid because he was totally conscious with no way to communicate with anyone. I keep waffling on the surgery. If I don't have it, it will be considered a pre-existing medical condition and won't be covered if I need to switch insurance carriers, which I'm going to need to do next year. If I do get it done, I'm going to have a lovely scar on my throat and likely still have pain for the rest of my life. I've already spent more time then I care in hospitals and in physical therapy sessions.

I hate this.

It's okay if you have no idea what I'm talking about. My horoscope says you're not supposed to understand.... unless you're a Cancer.

It is one thing to experience your feelings as strongly as you do. It's entirely different when you expect others to become as invested as you. No matter how hard you try to keep an emotional discussion on one specific track today, it will probably meander all over the map. Remember, you don't always need to control the outcome and others don't have to mirror your moods just to make you feel better.

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December 18, 2006

What happens in Vegas... ends up on YouTube.

I honestly want to know what you think of this video. It's titled "What Women Think of Drunk Men". I watched it waiting for some funny... But I think it's a little messed up. Actually a lot messed up. It's about 10 minutes long, a little boring, and NSFW, but I want opinions.

I added my thoughts... Click continue reading below.

Continue reading "What happens in Vegas... ends up on YouTube." »

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Shake it but don't break it!

Busy day today. Caught up on some blog reading this morning. OK actually I was looking for ideas. Bob Gentry has the link up for SNL's Timberlake video.. Spreading a little Christmas spirit.

This one is of Vaughn Lowery, a model from Detroit, I guess he was on America's Next Top Model. The ladies will enjoy it, the gay male readers will really enjoy it, and heterosexual men will feel uncomfortable.

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December 16, 2006

Driving Home

Getting ready for bed now, not giving away my location just in case I decide to turn to a life of criminal activity and need a hideout. This would be the perfect place, that's for sure.

Have not seen anyone all weekend except I ran into old man Smithers from Scooby Doo on the beach this morning. He doesn't have a dog, but he carries treats in his pockets. He gave them to my dogs before I could stop him. They have sort of sensitive stomachs, plus he could have been poisoning them for all I knew. Seemed harmless, but he was a little creepy looking and he did have a squinty eye.

The drive tomorrow should take about 17 hours until I hit the mountains and I expect, depending when I get to that point, it will take 3 or 4 hours more to make the last 60 miles home. Skier traffic is terrible on Sunday evenings. If I leave at 3AM, I will catch the end of it. Which might be a good argument for leaving around 4AM instead.

I do need to get back. I have two more writing gigs to follow up on Monday. Last week I went to a fashion show in Denver to do a write up on Mona Lucero for moxxie. I met the editor of a local internet events newsletter and sounds like he's looking for a fashion/health/beauty writer. Also a friend in my bunko group is a photographer for an online travel magazine and she recommended that I expand on some of the writing I've already done and submit an article or two to her company. There's one more lead, but I think it might be a little out of my range, it's kind of juicy as far as writing jobs go. Who knows? I've gotten this far on so little talent, stranger things have happened.

I just realized that I didn't write about a lot of what happened last week. I got an email from a guy I dated when I was seventeen. Just out of the blue, there in my inbox. My reaction was kind of strange. Strange in that I was not surprised at all. He googled the name of a friend of ours and found something I wrote about our friend in a post here. The way I remember, we ended things not so good. I always felt bad about it. One of those things you look back on and wish you would have handled differently. Of course, you do the best you can with what you know at the time. Strange how it parallels another relationship in my life now. Makes me feel that things will smooth out there too. Hopefully not taking 15 years. Eventually you forget who did what and eventually, eventually... you forget everything because you're too old to remember anything anymore anyway.

Oh AND I met up with another blogger who was in town on business. I won't say who but they have left comments here many times. I'm not really sure how much to write about it. It was good to put a face to a blog. I think I scared the bejesus out of them when I took them to a Holiday drag queen show. This is what will happen to you if you come to Denver and I invite you for drinks. You've been warned!

The show was F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!!!!  It was a group of drag queen divas lip syncing dirty ditties. There was a song about a "throbbing python of love" I liked quite a lot. I couldn't find the lyrics, they were hilay! But I did find an interesting website called "Woody's World of Penis Euphemisms"

These I found particularly notable; Ba-donk-a-donk, Baloney Pony, Chubby (a favorite), Cockasaurus Rex, Eight Inches of Throbbing Pink Jesus, Giant Sized Man Thing (who doesn't like one of those?), The Giving Tree (sounds like a yoga pose), He who must be obeyed, Herman Von Longschlongstein (say it five times fast), Huge Junk (who could forget), Longrod Van Hugenstein (cousin to Longschlongenstein), One Eyed Cow Killer??????, Optimus Prime (Geoff?), Taco Warmer (see post on Taco Town), and The Wonder Down Under.

Ok I'm going to go have horrific nightmares now.

 

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December 14, 2006

Where's Kelly

12_14_060006Go ahead and guess. I'm hiding. I needed a little solace. I feel like everyone around me is insane. Which is a sure sign that I'm probably the one who's lost it. I don't know what it is? Mercury retrograde or something? I'm even afraid to write in my own blog anymore because someone always seems to misconstrue what I say.

I actually have someone I know in real life who is upset with me for describing him as a drunk and he's asked me to say something nice about him in my blog. He has friends reading my blog (waving to obnoxious friends) and reporting back to him what I've written.

The drama is so unecessary. I just can't write anything without offending someone. So I'm taking some days off.

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December 13, 2006

In Memoriam - Peter Boyle

Yesterday actor Peter Boyle passed away.

It took a great deal of maturing before I found this sort of thing funny. But it is arguable that it's more difficult to make people laugh then cry.

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December 12, 2006

The Rise and Fall of the C Monster... brought to you by AYCO

Last night at the bunko party there was a newly added cookie exchange. When the email went out asking who wanted to participate I quickly declined. With everything going on I knew that adding "bake 6 dozen cookies" to my list would be a big mistake.

All of my friends were kind enough to still include me even though I did not participate and I came home with 5 dozen cookies. My restraint when it comes to sweets is pretty good. I get into more trouble with comfort type foods like anything that has cheese on it or in it.

I've not been good about getting to the grocery store. Not only am I out of coffee, but I'm out of anything that resembles breakfast. So this morning I've eaten two heavily iced sugar cookies and I'm feeling a little not so fresh.

One of my bunko sisters is at home taking care of her husband who just had surgery. She couldn't make it last night so I'm packing up these cookies and driving them over to her.

Being the good blogger that I am, I went in search of cookie pictures to illustrate my demise.

I stumbled upon an interesting pictorial of Cookie Monster. Looks like he's lived quite the life.

Cookie_monster_elvis We all should have known that trouble was on the horizon when Cookie was spotted with Elvis.

Cookie_monster_ice_cream_1   

Then he started hanging out with this guy... They called him Ice Cream Sal.

Cookie_monster_likes_girls

Sal was pretty popular with the ladies. What cookie didn't know was that Sal was just using him for his cookie connections.

Cookie_monster_rocks

Cookie was a monster in demand. He started his own band.

Cookie_monster_cooks_1

He did some television appearances.

Cookiemonsterhospital

He visited children in the hospital.

The truth about Cookie was much worse then any could imagine.

Cookie_monster_poker

Cookie like to play cards. Sometimes he would win, but he would throw that away on booze, babes.... and cookies.

Cookie_monster_with_carmen_miranda_1

The trouble started when he met this woman... but was she really?

Cookie entered into a life of alternative life choices... and genital herpes management.

CookiemonsterhoodGuns

Cookie_monster_on_pot

Drugs

Dog_eating_monster_1

Pet-o-Phelia

Head_from_cookie_monster 

Indecent public acts.

The violence and legal troubles of his Sesame Street Seven could only lead to disaster...

Sesame_street_hoods Cookie_monster_line_up_1

Street_posse

So whatever happened to Cookie Monster?

After a drunken night at a small hotel in Omaha he and Ernie fell into each others arms and shared what can only be described as muppet love.

Bert was furious. He took out cookie, got a makeover, and joined Al Qaeda.

Gay_bert

Bert_al_qu_1 

December 11, 2006

Bunko Holiday Edition

Sudoku_gameWell tonight is the BIG bunko holiday party. That means I'm getting all dressed up to hang out with other girls. For secret santa I'm giving away a cool electronic sudoku game. It can be our little secret that I have no idea about how sudoku is played but I'm guessing it's ancient and mysterious. So far, my secret santa gifts have been a hit.. There was nearly a physical altercation over a pink scarf I gave at the last party.

One of my favorite blogs, Jane Lake Makes A Mistake, is up for the Best New Blog award in the 2006 Weblog Awards. Please take a moment to go vote for my girl.

December 10, 2006

Like Oil & Water

Every month I get an email from my accountant after he's had a chance to go over my statements and reconcile my accounts. Occasionally something doesn't quite jibe. Usually it's a check I issued without entering it into quickbooks or he needs a receipt for something. This time he asked me about a check I issued a couple months ago that had not cleared yet. It was a fairly large check and he and I had previously discussed whether or not it was going to qualify as a charitable donation or a gift.

Here's the thing.

A person I met earlier in the year had a charity that he organized and he was real passionate about it. This was one of his more endearing qualities. I had always felt bad because being friends, I had never made any contribution despite having the means to do so. It was to the point that I began to feel uncomfortable even discussing the subject.

I have experienced one too many times where money has had a negative impact on relationships in my life. I have to be really careful and I am hypersensitive whenever financial discussions come into play. I have gone so far as to borrow a friends a car because I didn't want a first date to make any financial appraisals about me.

So in September I decided that I felt comfortable enough to do what I thought was the right thing and issue a check. Being honest with myself, the charity was not something I felt strongly about. I realize that saying that might make me sound like a bad person. As far as I knew, the benefactor was in need. But the real reason, or at least in terms of the size of the contribution had more to do with me wanting to be supportive of my friend and to see him succeed. He was important to me so conversely, what was important to him was important to me.

I wanted to personally deliver the check. Especially, because I felt kind of bad about waiting so long to make a contribution. Which was another reason for the size of the donation, my guilt about that.

I don't know if it was some higher power looking out for me or what. Possibly a glitch in the matrix. But because of some messed up circumstances I never had the opportunity to hand over the check. While I felt a little like I had dodged a bullet, I struggled with the existence of the check. Do you throw the baby out with the bath water? Whatever my motivation was to start with, in a tangible way I made a commitment to someone in need.

Now what do I do. I thought about donating anonymously, but there were some trust issues now. The charity is not entirely a charity in an accountabiliy sense. Technically it's a gift. Another factor; My ego comes into play and I get sort of nervous about the perception I'm putting out there. How the donation might be perceived at this stage in the game. I want nothing to do with it.

A friend, in a round about way, went ahead and made a chunky donation. He reported back to me that it was met with some degree of ungratefulness. Possibly because of his connection to me I might assume. But how hard is it to be gracious? Then, after all, that is the ultimate predicament here anyway.

I tore up the check and I'm going shopping tomorrow.

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December 09, 2006

What's On Tap

December 08, 2006

Weekend Rhapsody

This post is brought to you by the fine people at Zicam makers of no drip liquid nasal gel.

Last night I got that numb tingle in my nasal passages with that soreness in the back of my throat. I am not a big believer in homeopathic medicine but Zicam has been real effective at preventing little colds from growing up to be big nasty phlegm producing monsters. Feeling better already and every four hours I'm sticking one of these miracle swabs up my nose. I'll stop with all my sexy talk now.

So, I use Rhapsody. Initially I used Rhapsody because of my aversion to Apple products. I own an I-River... which when the I-Pod initially came out, I liked the I-River more.. Now of course I mostly use my Nano. Anyway I subscribe to Rhapsody and I can download most songs to my I-River for like $12 a month. If I don't sync for a week they expire but other then that I like the service. 

Rhapsody will generate a playlist for you based on your recent listening habits. I listened to the new P Diddy album last week and some of the recommendations associated with the album. It wasn't long until I worked my way back to Vanilla Ice. This was the night I drank that cheap Australian blend.

Today I downloaded the recommended for me playlist and this is what I got.

"Work It" - Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott

"Doowutchyalike" - Digital Underground

"Thought You Said (Featuring Brandy)" - Diddy

"I Got A Man" - Positive K

"Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)" - Jay-Z

"Say My Name" - Destiny's Child

"Run It!" - Chris Brown

"Hypnotize" - The Notorious B.I.G.

"Fantastic Voyage" - Coolio

"There It Go (The Whistle Song) (Radio Edit)" - Juelz Santana

"Oh I Think Dey Like Me" - Dem Franchize Boyz

"Where The Party At" - Jagged Edge

"Partners For Life (Featuring Jamie Foxx)" - Diddy

"Play " - David Banner

"I'm That Type Of Guy" - LL Cool J

"Ill Na Na" - Foxy Brown

"Get Loose" - T.I. feat. Nelly

"Jingling Baby" - LL Cool J

"Going Back To Cali" - LL Cool J

"Goodies - (featuring Petey Pablo)" - Ciara

"Slam" - Onyx

"Tell Me (Featuring Christina Aguilera)" - Diddy

"No Diggity" - Mc Platinum

"The Way You Move (featuring Sleepy Brown)" - Outkast

"Fu-Gee-La" - Fugees (Refugee Camp)

"Let's Go" - Trick Daddy

"Sugar (Gimme Some)" - Trick Daddy feat. Ludacris, Lil Kim, and Cee-Lo

"Shake Whatcha Mamma Gave Ya" - Poison Clan

"Big Ole Butt" - LL Cool J

"Top Of The World (featuring Mase)" - Brandy

Maybe you will like this list as much as my spell checker did.

Speaking of this weekend.... were we? When the calander flipped over in December I had blocked this weekend off for some plans I made a couple months ago. Plans for a trip that got canceled, but I forgot to take it out of my calendar. So up until last week I had been turning down fun opportunities because I thought I had something planned and I didn't. Fortunately, this time of year it's easy to find things to do.

So I will go do them and see if I can blog about them later. :)

Have a great weekend!

December 07, 2006

Pearl Harbor

Five years ago I was lucky enough to be in Hawaii during the Premiere of the movie Pearl Harbor held on the Flight deck of the USS Stennis. These are some of the photos I took the day before the event when we went to visit the memorial.

Uss_stennis_2_may_2001

Pearl_harbor_premire_uss_stennis_2_may_2

Uss_stennis_may_2001 Pearl_harbor_uss_arizona_2_may_2001 Pearl_harbor_uss_arizona_3_may_2001

If you have not been fortunate enough to visit yourself, I can tell you it's a very somber experience. After a short film you are ferried out to the monument. You can stay as long as you like. It's very quiet like a museum except you can hear the water lapping and there is a chemical smell in the air. I tried in vain to picture what it was like 60 years earlier. I tried to imagine nearly 200 bombers above and the chaos in the harbor. Bombing, fires, sirens. Those things are very difficult to imagine while standing in the quiet above the USS Arizona.

Looking down at the rusted metal I tried to imagine a ship, a ship deck, anything. It's extremely difficult. 

Watching the movie in the open air, in the actual location where the fighting took place was very emotional. Unsettling actually.

The historical aspect when combined with a mega motion picture premiere was fantastic. I don't mean fantastic as in great, I mean fantastic as in Grotesque. A particular exchange I had with Tom Sizemore stands out as one of the most offensive and revolting experiences I've ever had. I really hate that I can't reflect on Pearl Harbor without the image of that speed balling excuse for a human entering the picture. That is another story all together.

Below is a short dive video from The National Park Service about the USS Arizona and the memorial.

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December 06, 2006

Historically Dangerous

Before proceeding to the promised and exciting yearbook pics and entries, one of my favorite bloggers, Geoff invited me to explore my personality through blatant marketing.

Of course it told me what my magic 8 ball told me years ago when I asked... Am I a true evil genius? The response... "all signs point to yes". 

Damn Hot! I knew it. Thanks Pointless fake marketing vehicle!!!! You're the BEST!

Geoff, just when I though my ego could not get any more out of control. Also, if I'm reading correctly looks like my seduction style would have your seduction style on its knees. Now if only we could get around your hat fetish.

OK on with the yearbook junk. If you did not read the preceding post please do... so much less to misunderstand that way.

Alright, so after my lunch date with my old classmate I went looking for trouble in the pages of my high school yearbook.

Yb3The first and most obvious thing I found was that A. filled an entire page up. We were not friends, didn't do things together, didn't have each others phone numbers. It never occurred to me that she was into me. I thought she was like Muffy on Square Pegs. (Take a peek you can click the photos to enlarge).

I also noticed that someone else wrote "weird babe" under her entry. So possibly someone else knew something was up.

Yb1_1 Here we have some Doors Lyrics.

Yb2_1 Obligatory 91' Rules!

Img_4843I never even noticed this guy invited me to hang out with him on his boat... Wonder if he still has a boat?

Yb4Fine wait until the end of the school year to tell me you're into me. If you happen to be in high school and your reading this... and Gawd I hope that's not the case... Please do yourself a favor and know that if you leave an entry like this in a girls yearbook... she might not find it until 15 years later and you may not want her looking for you then.

Yb5Note the early usage of emoticons. I wonder if kids today write LOL in each others yearbooks?

Yb6_1Okay this is scary... I found Cocky/Funny in my yearbook. I gave it some serious thought and I realized that I was and have always been about Cocky/Funny.

Yb11 Yb15

Yb14This is the Cocky/Funny I pined after my Junior year.

I heard that this guy changed his last name, naming himself after a famous golf club.

Yb12Cocky/Funny is in this picture too... He's circled in yellow. My boyfriend at the time is circled in purple. (School colors lame I know.)

Yb13 Me circled here. I really was not that into tennis, but I guess if you carry a racket around people will associate you with it. I did take badminton class two semesters, which was fun as hell. I need to play more badminton. Whiff!

Yb7 A guy in my tennis class?

Yb8This was from a girl so now I'm wondering is she was like A.

The "well have fun with Miles" makes me wonder.

Not really exciting stuff... but really strange looking through it now. I wonder what kind of creepy stuff I wrote. I bet whatever I wrote in Cocky/Funny's book is worthy of a restraining order.

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December 05, 2006

Chicks Dig Me - It's the Lesbian post you've all been waiting for.

In October I got one of those annoying spam notices from Classmates.com notifying me that there was a message for me from another member.

Actually there were two messages. One was from a guy that lived on the same block as me growing up and seemed to recall, with detail I might add, my 6th Birthday party. The other was from a girl I went to high school with. She was a year ahead of me.

I actually went to 5 different high schools. It wasn't because we moved around, it had more to do with the fact that I did not want to be in school. I wasn't a trouble maker and I was never suspended or expelled. I just did not want to be there.

Here we go once again into the deep end of my psyche. It could get bumpy.

I have always been all about filling my needs. I think I might have had some sort of overactive need for stimulation. I'm going to pretend like some of you children (men) are not thinking "aha" right now. By that I mean I was anxious to spread my wings, fearless, and quite cunning. (I told you guys to stop... spread and cunning are just words). Listening to another person talk about ideas and theories wasn't cutting it for me and I really didn't have any authority figures (parents) instilling the importance of a high school education.

You all realize that kids are now allowed to use calculators in school. It makes complete sense and kids are able to get into higher mathematic concepts faster without having to show for the 1000th time that they know how solve long division problems. But I remember when Casio put out one of the first watches that had a mini calculator on the face. The school I went to banned them from school property.

Fortunately for me I was very clever. I was also one of those people who with minimal last minute cramming could pass most tests. I was able to talk my way out of assignments and into earning extra credit and make up assignments. I actually graduated a semester early by threatening to drop out of school my senior year.

At the time I was so used to getting my way that I think I thought I was some sort of bad ass getting all of those adults to make special exceptions for me. Now I suspect there were many reasons this was done for me. The school I graduated from was fairly affluent. I was paying tuition to go there even though it was a public school it was outside of my district. I had high ACT & SAT scores, and I had college applications pending at Vassar, Pepperdine, and Loyola Marymount. My grades were good due to my negotiation skills. I was an athlete and pet to many teachers. I'm guessing that not many kids, with transcripts like mine dropped out of their school. Accommodations were made and I was out of there.

I attribute my unconventional graduation with fueling my beliefs that a person can dodge convention and cut a new path to get to any destination. This lesson could be viewed as dangerous to society, as I'm sure people like Hitler and Stalin had similar early childhood educations that opened, if you want to call it that, their minds to a new way of thinking. I'm not currently planning world domination, so no worries. My point is I have a very different way of approaching things and its always worked for me.

SO... back to Classmates.com. The girl who contacted me I'm going to call A. For the record she said I could use her real name, however I do not think she really understood what a blog is and the reach that it can have. I am currently being gently threatened by a Franchise I said uncomplimentary things about. If you Google the companies name and sift through several pages.. you can find a cached post I wrote about something I saw happen. Not only can you read about it I posted a picture, which was the smartest thing I ever did because without the photo they might have been able to weasel some money out of me.

Back to A. A emails me and I recognize her name. I don't remember us being friends other then being in some classes together. I email her back saying hello. I was pretty vague about my life at the time because October was a pretty terrible month for me and I was a mess. She responded and told me that she's been pretty successful with a small business she owns and that she is in a committed relationship, and that she's a lesbian.

OK swell, that's nice... well nice to hear from you have a Merry Christmas I tell her.

A. writes back. "I'm not hot for you anymore" (she was????, I did not know this) "Let's get together for lunch"... Anyone with a porno bow-chicka-booowww blog soundtrack running can just turn it off now.

OK, like my world isn't a larger, stranger version of Alice in Fucking Wonderland enough anyway. I'm already stuck in this damn rabbit hole, might as well go a little deeper right.

So last week I have lunch with A. A. is very nice, and funny, and a lot like me... except I like penis's. And even if I preferred a taco to a hot dog, A. is actually in a committed happy relationship.

I looked for the SNL Pat "Taco or Hot Dog" clip on YouTube and couldn't find it... I did find the SNL "Taco Town" clip which made me laugh because as it should be these guys really like tacos.

On with the story. So A. tells me that she was hot for me in high school. I was kind of amazed at the way she stalked me and I was completely oblivious to her. I am so glad we got together for lunch. I would highly recommend that everyone find someone from high school and sit down with them and ask them... "Who was I in High School?". Totally fucking amazing experience. I used the F-word for emphasis... to emphasize that it was really amazing. I used the F-word earlier too but that's because I talk like I'm from Queens.

From A.'s perspective, she thought I was really popular. This was not my experience. I never had one group that I hung out with. Actually most of my close friendships during high school were with people, mostly college aged people, outside of high school.

What A. saw was that I talked to everyone no matter what click they were in, so that seemed to her that I was friends with everyone. I also dated the school lacrosse team Captain so the appearance was that I was "in" the in crowd. She talked to her friends about me... She was not a practicing lesbian back then she actually dated a guy I thought was hot. She told me that everyone would talk about how "totally cool she is" but beyond a few anecdotal locker incidents, or lab partner exchanges no one seemed to know anything about me.

She also remembered that I was "BIG TIME" into tennis. I laughed at this.. I played varsity but constantly was sent to play doubles because as nice as my coach was he was never impressed with my shenanigans. Which is why I respected him above all others.

It was nice talking to her and getting a glimpse into my past from a different perspective. I went back into my Junior yearbook and found some very interesting things including a full page yearbook entry from A. Hindsight is truly remarkable. Come back tomorrow and I will post some of the yearbook entries and photos...

December 04, 2006

Deeper Then I Knew

A couple of months I posted this song. It just appealed to me. Someone at the time asked me if there was some deeper meaning as to why I put the song up. At the time there wasn't. Now there is. It could be a mystery to everyone except for maybe to the person who first asked.

Koonunga Hill

Last night I drank a bottle of Penfolds Koonunga Hill shiraz cabernet. When you're not sure what to blog about consider opening with the previous nights beverage selection if it had an interesting name. That is the only advice I have today.

I do actually have a short and  uninteresting tale.

So I was drinking alone last night. Actually not totally alone because I was playing poker online.

This internet poker stuff is getting stupid. At first I thought it was funny and I was just playing so ridiculously bad that other players were confused by my unconventional poker karate. Actually it's probably another one of my suppressed Rain Man abilities rearing its ugly head but I "earned" $145 last night. I'm only embarrassed to say that at one point it was more like $400.

I got chatty with some Canadian soldier who was shipping out to Indiana tomorrow... can't tell you how many times I've heard that one.... Apparently he was blind and it was his make a wish to turn my full house into his four of a kind.

But that's not exactly what I wanted to blog about.

Idiot showed up again last night, drunk again. I'm thinking at this point the neighbors are wondering what the hell is going on. I may have to take the advice I gave to many before and get a restraining order before he kills himself driving here.

He knows this behavior is getting him nowhere. He knows... or thinks he knows about my holiday plans. This I think is his way of trying to control the situation in this sort of passive, victim way. It's all really fascinating. I'm sure I've bored you all.

Going back to bed.

December 03, 2006

Bored Love

I watched The Break Up this afternoon. In it Vince Vaughn's character offers Jennifer Aniston's character a "Get out of bored love free card". If anyone has a solution for keeping hot exciting love from turning into bored love, I'm all ears. E-mail me.

Some men have told me that they resent the fact that women expect them to always pay for dinner on dates. To me, paying for a date on a guys end is a tangible representation that he wants to spend time with me. It's a strange variation on the getting the cow for free theory.

Here's something to consider. No matter where you are taking me to dinner... no matter how nice. I spent more money to look good for you. Because from the minute you pick me up until we finally say goodnight, my goal is to make it just impossible for you take your eyes off of me. Sit, stare, lose your train of thought, I'll love it.

Let me ask the male readers here. I assume you work hard at a job all week long. Maybe you like what you do, maybe you don't, either way when the weekend rolls around you want to take a member of the opposite sex out for a little fun. You've got your shit together, you've already asked her out. She's accepted of course and your certain she digs you. If you're alive... you've been thinking about her in the shower and wherever else you "think" about her all week.

The night of the date arrives. Now all you have to do is shower (not think about her too much), iron a shirt, smell good and be on time. She's got expectations too, I'll discuss those in a moment. But tell me honestly... how good do you feel when you walk into the restaurant that you're about to drop $200 at, and you have with you the hottest woman in the entire place AND her complete attention is on you.

Maybe you think that's worth something, maybe you don't. You can assign whatever value to that that makes sense for you. My thought is this. If I want to be with you, I only expect you to enjoy my company, I expect to have fun, I expect that you've taken care of the details in advance.

I was once invited to Les Miserables by a guy who waited until we got to the theater to buy tickets. While it's generally easy to buy tickets from a scalper in front of the theater last minute, I was not impressed when he failed to notice that the tickets he bought were in in completely different sections.

Some other tips... Please save your story about the asshole who cut you off on the way over to pick me up. I don't know Phil in accounting who sent you three e-mails about how you improperly submitted an expense as a debt, so please let's not discuss what's wedged up his back end. I don't care and honestly... do you? Be polite. Treat the wait staff with respect. If being with me makes you happy, this would be a really great time to tell me about that. And, if I look like I'm having a good time you might even consider sharing with me some ideas you might be having of things we could do later.

My point is.. later if you're lucky enough to notice that my hair smells incredible and almost good enough to eat... It's because my conditioner costs $27. You get what you pay for.

December 01, 2006

How to deal with Cocky Funny

Cocky_guy_1The new gym I'm going to has the cardio and weight training areas open and facing each other. So basically while I'm working out I am forced to watch guys working on getting rippled. In and of itself it's fine. Some of the guys are cute and I don't mind giving them a little gym attention. But I noticed this one guy. Maybe you know him too. I see him enough now that I've nicknamed him "the hound". Named because he seems to know every woman who works there. He's the guy who stops between sets to chat with people, grab a sip of water and towel himself down like he's doing a Lever 2000 commercial.

I'm not saying that I couldn't have a little fun with this guy. After all, he is a hound. He's attractive, doesn't seem to be compensating for anything, probably has the goods and knows what he's doing. But that's probably all he really has to offer. I'm guessing that works for him and in the right situation would work for me too.

My girl Shelly sent me this link. Why Cocky and Funny Attracts Women. She so knows this is exactly what I fall for. Seriously when I read it I felt like it should have been titled, "How to get Kelly to want to have sex with you." What an eye opener.

I just deleted an entire paragraph that had to do with what things I look for fall for in a guy. I considered that the information is probably to dangerous to have floating around out there.

Let's just say that the next time Cocky/Funny rolls into town, my only thought will be, "Do I want to have sex?" And listen up Cocky/Funny, having multiple orgasms with you does not mean more then I liked the way it felt when I was all worked up and your reproductive organs were touching my reproductive organs. It's sex and it's something I like to do because it feels good. It does not make you some sort of gift to women. Just because you get the green light, and you get me to my final destination, does not mean your car is that impressive.

Yes hound, I see you. You're here every night. One night I might decide I want to get laid. I will talk to you and you will think to yourself, "She can no longer resist me, I'm a hot piece of ass". But what you don't understand, what you fail to grasp is that whether or not you get to have sex with me... is up to me. When I decide.

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